sundays nowadays is just any other day. in my continuous pursuit of wealth, i slave myself off everyday but not today. i have days like this, you see. i just do not want to move.
in the middle of my senility, i casually messaged Teng only to find out he was dead tired from a club activity they did in school. yes, on a sunday. guess the apple doesn't really fall off far from the tree.
fave workmate was out all day, attending to family affairs. his brother is getting married soon, and they all went to meet the fiance's side. hard to put into words, but anything family-related and marriage-related (at least his side) burns a little part of me.
for one, he doesn't want to get married. not with me, at least. it's a hard pill to swallow, actually. made me question my worth and value hundreds of times, and i still am trapped into this existential loop.
two, after the incident with his mom, i do not think i will ever be okay with his side of the family. and i'm not even going to get into details why. at least for now.
third, i feel trapped. i want a lot of things for myself. i have always aspired to feel worthy of how others make their partner feel but fave workmate makes sure his issues are amplified more than mine. because his business is something he worked hard for. because a lot of his people and their families depend on him.
what about me?
i give him everything i can. the comfort of a home. the support nobody gives him.
do i deserve to be side-swiped when i bring up issues, because they are all JUST FEELINGS?
who even am i now?
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