what i deserve

today, i learned the fact that no matter how special you treat other people, they will still take you for granted. i'm not perfect, i know. but one thing i wouldn't forgive myself doing is make people feel less of what they deserve. maybe it's because i respect how precious every second in life is. people are not obligated to be with you so every occasion they spare their presence with you is a gift.

i was upset because the plan didn't push through. but i got mad with the line, "eh pinakain naman kita ha". wow, really? next time, please remind me to pay you with my life -- just because you fed me. thing is, that's what i don't understand with men. it's too fucking easy to say sorry and mean it. hindi ako mahirap kausap, granting that they already took me for granted. it was the first time i really meant it when i said they were assholes. and to add more insult to the injury, i heard the derogatory comment of me to stop being like a girl while the other one was washing his hands, saying it's the faggots fault.  i wanted to punch them in the face to reveal who the real girls are. eh mas may bayag pa ako sa inyo eh. what they did was just not what i deserve.

maybe it's time to start to give others a chance to be my friend. and maybe those might have the attitude to make me feel my worth.